The Rules

  1. We don’t do grumpy at Fred’s. There is a bucket outside the front door to deposit the grumpys in before you enter so you can come in happy. If you aren’t happy, at least keep an open mind to it, so the rest of us have a chance at cheering you up. It is the member’s responsibility to keep the morale high, because with any luck we will be busy cooking and won’t have time to entertain you.
  2. If my wife should happen to mention that she thinks you are cute, I will shut your key off.
  3. You can stop in to fill your coffee for free and not stay for breakfast, but you must be smiling and say good morning to everyone. You can bring your own mug for your free coffee to go, or you can buy a super exclusive Fred’s insulated coffee mug for $10.00 which you can use forever or until you lose it.
  4. Fred Williamson has been my friend forever, so you have to put up with him. It’s not that difficult after you get used to it.
  5. If you come in and say to me “Hey, you know what you should have on your menu ?” I will put it on the menu, but only after you complete all employment paperwork, arrive at 4 AM and mind you, we don’t pay very well. You can ask…
  6. Members are welcome to bring with them anyone to Fred’s whom they wish.
  7. If you lose your key you can get another one for 10 bucks, because that’s what the keys cost us.
  8. Please do not lend your key out. Your friends will not give it back. Would you give it back? No, probably not. There is a stack of temporary Guest Privilege Cards at the door. Take some, if you have friends that you deem worthy and whom you would like to have a Fred’s experience. Just fill out the card with your name and your friends name and send them down to knock on the door and we’ll let them in on your recommendation one time. If they like Fred’s, you or another member can sponsor them. When we close the charter membership period, the only way to become a member will be to be sponsored by a member.
  9. Should we catch you buying extra keys and reselling them for hundreds of dollars apiece in the city, we will banish you to the diner.
  10. Even though our sole purpose is to have fun, the bank has requested that on occasion we send money to show our gratitude for them paying for the construction of Fred’s. Therefore we will issue as many memberships as necessary to keep 30 of our 31 seats full at all times. Should we find that waiting lines start to form, new memberships will be curtailed. In an effort to insure that we do not acquire too many memberships, which might dilute the fun, we strongly recommend that charter members attend daily.
  11. Fred’s opens daily at 6 am. and closes at 11am. The computer unlocks the door at 6 whether we are ready or not, and locks the door at 11. Nothing personal if you are there at 11:01
  12. Fred’s is closed on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We are open New Year’s Day, which may be a mistake.
  13. On your birthday we will all cheer you and wish you a happy birthday. And you may have heard about Cindy, the singing dog?  Usually a serenade if she is in the mood.
  14. It is the responsibility of the person sitting in the gray stool to keep an eye on the fire and let us know when it’s getting low and needs attention.
  15. It is the responsibility of the member sitting in the chair closest to the door to answer the door should someone dare to knock on it.
  16. We want you to be comfortable and stay as long as you wish. You can even just come in and sit all day and drink free coffee. However if there are no available seats and some one wants to order breakfast please give up your stool so we can make some money.